1. Quiet love is not a synonym for dull and stagnant.
Researcher Aaron Ben-Zeév described calm relationships as free of negative elements, such as tough confrontations, jealousy, and anxiety. This doesn’t mean that your development as a couple stops or that there are no exciting emotions, and for sure this isn’t stagnation.
Sure, you still can have butterflies, but quiet love primarily means feeling safe and comfortable, experiencing new stages of life, growing personally and as a couple, and supporting each other.
2. Quiet love means a safe environment.
Researcher Art Aron proved that long-term couples who reported high levels of calm romantic closeness had levels of brain activity that were similar to those who were newly in love! The reason quiet love is the most long-lasting is because the partners learn to not violate the each other’s boundaries, to not lose their temper, to refrain from criticism and judgement, and to be patient and tolerant and create a safe and loving environment.
3. Quiet love isn’t possible without trust.
Calm love is built upon extended trust and openness in exchange for safety. In other words, you agree to never hurt each other — whereas aggression from a significant other is the most painful. Without reliance, transparency, emotional support, understanding, and respect we can never be calm or feel truly safe and loved.
4. Quiet love is still romantic.
As Aaron Ben-Zeév described for Psychology Today, we need to understand the difference between romantic intensity and profundity. The first thing is the instant passion and desire. It is brief in duration, but there’s no further development. Romantic profundity, on the other hand, is an ongoing experience featuring both intensity and enduring development and the flourishing of each lover and their whole relationship.
5. Calmness is the new excitement.
In today’s world that is based upon superficial relationships with all these speed dating apps and showing off on social media, profound quiet love is a very valuable thing. With time, you get your partner on a deeper, more complex level, learning new things about each other, having joint activities and shared emotional experiences — it brings something new to the relationship without going head over heels.