Things to Expect During a Divorce


  1. Expect to be on an emotional rollercoaster. I’m not a big crier, but I wept more than I ever have this last year. Some days more than others. Expect to have emotional outbursts for no good reasons. In other words, invest in waterproof mascara because you are going to need it. This is not necessarily a negative thing, but I really lost control of my emotions. I would cry every time my children would go on visitations, or when I would look at pictures. It does get easier, but please know you will have many ups and downs. It’s part of the healing process.
  2. Expect people to judge you. This is a fact. You will be judged. I’m not one to blast my ex’s dirty laundry on Facebook, so many people were surprised I was actually getting a divorce. People will say things to you that will make you cringe, and you will want to unfriend them on Facebook. I can’t tell you how many people informed me that divorce is so difficult for children. Really? You will know who your true friends are during your divorce.  And who’s not, for that matter.
  3. Expect the courts to move at a snail’s pace. You will learn to become an expert at the waiting game. The courts definitely don’t care about your time agenda. They are on their own time clock. My divorce took 6 months, but it seemed like it was 6 years. I have a friend whose divorce took 19 months. So, don’t be in a hurry. You want your attorney to do their job well.
  4. Expect to make mistakes. Unless you are Jesus, you will screw up. The important thing is to learn from your mistake and move on. Don’t dwell on them. I never cussed until my divorce. There have been some words that have come out of my mouth that would make my mother squirm. I have even said them in front of my kids. I know I need to be careful with my words. Trust me, I’ve made plenty of worse mistakes, too.
  5. Expect your kids to be curious. My children were constantly asking me questions. They inquired about remarriage, holidays, birthdays, and so much more. A lot of the time, I didn’t know the answer, and that was sufficient for them. Your children just need to know you love them at this time and are willing to listen to their concerns.
  6. Expect your kids to be resilient. I was amazed at how easily my children adapted to our new lifestyle once we got on a schedule. It’s like we have always done it this way. They don’t seem to carry a grudge like adults. My younger children have adapted very well; better so than the older ones.
  7. Expect to be weepy the day your divorce is final. I was so ready for closure and to start a new season, but the day I went to court for the final time was a hard day. I was sad for what I envisioned my family was supposed to be like. I was sad because our lives were changed forever. It was just an emotional day for me. Thankfully, I was blessed to have two friends by my side.

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